Numb to the pain have to be to stay sane
I know longer stake you as my claim
your problems cause you felony fame
you have no one left to blame
it's you ;all you do you take responsibility
do u realize you problems our affecting your life critically
you know longer care not because you don't have the ability
you take the next dose willingly
how can it be so addicting
that you have no feelings
for your own family
that nothing matters more
then your next score
damn those hungry spiders
they take down the strongest fighters
they bite with poison in there fangs
they leave the poison to run through your veins
robbing you of the next person in line
to waste there time
fighting off those evil pest
until there patience is put to the test
they right off those evil bug bites as another problem they cant fix
and put it on the bottom of there to do list
always in the back of there mind
like a slope to slippery for them to climb
your battle your war
why live when you have nothing to live for
were all here backing away
praying for you night and day
waiting for you to realize that life ain't just a game you play
you don't get another life
you don't get up for one more fight
all the stories become when she was alive....
your face becomes just a memory
your thoughts and wisdom is no longer on tap
your kids no longer can sit on momma's lap
you never have a chance to say I do love you
we wont hear I'm proud of you
we wont get wisdom when we don't have a clue
we wont get to make fun of you when your an old shrew
I wish you would wake up today
and realize there is more at stake
then your life that you wish that God would finally take
he is giving you a chance to come to him in your last days
for you to get on your knees and pray
to devote you life to him and follow him everyday
to put someone first and move your habits out of first place
for your life not to be a total waste
for something of you to be left behind instead of disappearing without a trace
I want this for you
mother I do
I've learned to leave this one up to the good Lord above
because nothing is going to change you not even a grandchild's love
he is your new beginning he is your white dove
I will pray every night before I lay down
that your knees will finally hit the ground
and your heart goes to Christ
and you let him take over your fight
you cant win without him
it will always beat you cant escape this sin
I love you but I gotta let you go
I gotta let this storm blow
I know longer stake you as my claim
your problems cause you felony fame
you have no one left to blame
it's you ;all you do you take responsibility
do u realize you problems our affecting your life critically
you know longer care not because you don't have the ability
you take the next dose willingly
how can it be so addicting
that you have no feelings
for your own family
that nothing matters more
then your next score
damn those hungry spiders
they take down the strongest fighters
they bite with poison in there fangs
they leave the poison to run through your veins
robbing you of the next person in line
to waste there time
fighting off those evil pest
until there patience is put to the test
they right off those evil bug bites as another problem they cant fix
and put it on the bottom of there to do list
always in the back of there mind
like a slope to slippery for them to climb
your battle your war
why live when you have nothing to live for
were all here backing away
praying for you night and day
waiting for you to realize that life ain't just a game you play
you don't get another life
you don't get up for one more fight
all the stories become when she was alive....
your face becomes just a memory
your thoughts and wisdom is no longer on tap
your kids no longer can sit on momma's lap
you never have a chance to say I do love you
we wont hear I'm proud of you
we wont get wisdom when we don't have a clue
we wont get to make fun of you when your an old shrew
I wish you would wake up today
and realize there is more at stake
then your life that you wish that God would finally take
he is giving you a chance to come to him in your last days
for you to get on your knees and pray
to devote you life to him and follow him everyday
to put someone first and move your habits out of first place
for your life not to be a total waste
for something of you to be left behind instead of disappearing without a trace
I want this for you
mother I do
I've learned to leave this one up to the good Lord above
because nothing is going to change you not even a grandchild's love
he is your new beginning he is your white dove
I will pray every night before I lay down
that your knees will finally hit the ground
and your heart goes to Christ
and you let him take over your fight
you cant win without him
it will always beat you cant escape this sin
I love you but I gotta let you go
I gotta let this storm blow
At this point in time it was last year towards the end of 08' I wrote this when I found out my mom was shooting up. It had went from sniffing, smoking, and now shooting up. Something that I know my who has experimented with drugs all my childhood never resulted in doing (shooting up that is.) It was really difficult for me to hear this cause the first thing I wanted to do was run and save her like I always thought I did. I always thought if I was there she wouldn't do it as bad. I knew that I couldn't because it never worked before. If she couldn't change for her own flesh and blood what makes me think she will change for mine. The spider bites our the misses with the needle she would go to the ER and tell them she had spider bites since we live in Ga and we do have a good bit of spiders I guess they believed it and gave her pain medand antibiotics etc. I just had to let her do her and me do me and mines.
Present as of 2 days ago the doctor told my mom ( i heard through my sis and family)
They are going to try one more time with the chemo and if it don't work he gives her 6 mos to a year to live. They can't do nothing else for her. Now I am stuck here debating on letting her see my kids one time and me. I am so scared to break down over this. I am a freaking mess. I cleaned all day to keep busy from thinking about it. I fight off tears because I refuse to hurt anymore over this yesterday was just so bad my youngest son is sick he has a bad cough (croup)
I was up till 11 trying to calm him down and get him to sleep. Thank God for my Alex he helped and stayed up with me. He is best boy ever all he wants to do is go to school and be smart and play football. I think what it all boils down to is this I am scared ( yeah I said scared) that the first time in 6 years and the last time I see my mom will be in a casket.
I wish I could just give you a big hug! If it helps, please know that you are not alone... troubles will come & go, but Jesus will pull you out of the mud! A lot of what you've written brings me back to things that have happened in my own life; I'm a bit older now, and can tell you that life does get better. It may be really difficult, but sometimes those are the tests we are put through that season us & build up our character. Smile :) God loves you!
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